Broken Boundaries: A Sweet Regency Romance Page 3

  He had come to realise, as he pondered the way things had gone, the other day by the river, that his feelings for Christine were no longer strictly platonic. He found himself longing to woo her, and lavish her with gifts. He knew nothing could come of it, knew that Christine herself would probably be angry with him for changing everything between them, but he could not help the way he felt.

  He handed Mrs Langdon the books. She accepted them graciously, though it was clear she was not entirely happy about him giving her daughter such a gift. Books were expensive, and few villagers were even able to read or write, so they were an unusual gift to give someone you supposedly barely knew. But, Nathaniel did know just how much Christine loved to read, and how frustrating it must be for her to be trapped inside, with nothing to do. He had hoped that by giving her a fantasy world to escape to, he might ease that for her. But, as he looked at Mrs Langdon’s surprised face, it was clear it had been the wrong choice of gift entirely.

  Having assuaged his fears as to Christine’s wellbeing, Nate made a hasty retreat, giving Mrs Langdon a polite bow. He shook his head as he mounted his horse, not wanting to give away his thoughts by way of the expression on his face. He had a sneaking suspicion that Mrs Langdon would be able to see exactly what he was thinking and feeling, and that was not something Nate could ever be comfortable with. He would not make Christine’s life more difficult, and he did not wish to cause her parents any worry that he might try and take advantage of their daughter in any way. It would be best for everyone for him to keep his distance from them all.

  Such a vow was easier said than done, though. Nate found himself seeking all manner of excuses to visit the village over the coming days, running errands that would normally have been undertaken by his father’s valet, or the stable lads and kitchen boys. His behaviour was raising more than a few eyebrows at Goldington House, and it was only a matter of time before he was caught by one of the Langdons wandering past the bakery, or skulking in the alley behind it hoping to catch a glimpse of Christine.

  Finally, after almost ten days had passed, he almost bumped into Christine herself as she emptied a pail of vegetable peelings onto a large heap, contained in a large wooden crate on the small strip of land that the Langdons grew vegetables on, just across the alleyway. “Should you be up and about, yet,” he teased her, as he instinctively grabbed her arms to prevent their collision resulting in her taking another tumble. She placed her free hand against his chest, and for a moment they both froze.

  Christine was the first to pull away, taking a few steps back from him for good measure. “It is good to see you, and thank you for the books. I cannot tell you how much they helped to pass the time. I have enjoyed them immensely.” She moved cautiously to pick up a plain wooden cane that she had leant up against the compost crate.

  “I am so glad you enjoyed them,” he said quickly. “Think nothing of it.” He looked her up and down, and smiled nervously. “You seem to be on the mend, but should you be doing such chores?”

  “My ankle is much better. I can walk on it almost without a limp now, though Dr Harris insists I use the cane for a little longer. I think that means I can soon go in public without embarrassing my family and can do a few light chores. You agree, yes?” Her eyes sparkled with their usual mischief, and her merry laugh pealed out into the alleyway. The sound was music to his ears.

  “I suppose so, as long as you do not overdo it,” he agreed, grinning back at her. It was almost as if everything was as it had been – at least for just a moment.

  Nate wondered if this is what falling in love was like, this topsy-turvy sensation of good and bad, normal and new. The problem was, he just could not be sure. Perhaps he was falling in love with Christine, maybe he was just confusing things for them both. And possibly these unsettling feelings would all pass.

  Nate could not deny that he wanted Christine, he was certain of that at least. The way his heart sped up and his breath grew shallow whenever he saw her told him that he was attracted to his long-time friend. But he hated that this sudden change was making everything so difficult for them both. He was certain his parents would never permit him to marry Christine, not when she was so far below his class. And since marriage was out of the question, they could never be together for he would never wish to shame her in any way. And so, confusion and complication reigned.

  Unlike the girls of his social set, Christine would never have a coming out season in London or Bath. Her family could never afford to outfit her with gowns for the many balls, soirees, luncheons, operas, and theatre events. Which was a minor concern anyway, since they did not have the status to be invited to them. They certainly did not have a reception room to greet any suitors. A girl like Christine would be shunned by everyone in Society, simply because of the station of her birth, even if she could afford all the trappings. She would marry the son of a farmer or a merchant, and she would raise his children and assist him in the running of her husband’s enterprise – whatever it might be.

  Such a future for Christine was not something he wished to think about, not in the slightest. He could not help but wonder why he was so concerned about how well Christine would marry, then realised it was not that he was concerned as to how well she might marry at all. He knew that it should not matter. He knew that as long as she was happy then he should be happy for her.

  His concern was more personal and more visceral than that. If he could not have her, Nate did not wish for Christine to marry at all. He wanted Christine for himself. The more he saw her and the more time they spent together, the more he knew that it was Christine he loved, and always would. If being a duke meant he had to give up her friendship, and pass up the chance to be with her, he was even more sure that he would be happy to give up all his titles and live the life of a commoner if he could be with her.

  “Nathaniel Sheffield?” Christine asked, her tone amused.

  He jerked his head up in surprise. Had she been trying to get his attention for long? He had been lost in his thoughts, inappropriate though they were. He tried to read Christine’s face, but she was just smiling at him, her eyes bright with mischief as always.

  “Are you all right?” she asked him “Where has your mind gone? Because it is certainly not with me.”

  “Yes, sorry,” he said, trying to clear his mind and focus on her lovely face. “I was just thinking about…” He paused, not knowing what to say. “Well, about the river,” he fudged. “I am looking forward to the day you can meet me there again.”

  Christine smiled and he was sure her cheeks brightened with just a little colour. It made him smile in return, though he knew he should not encourage their friendship any further. He should be trying to keep his distance, to make their inevitable parting easier on them both, but selfishly he wanted to be with her until he had no choice but to leave her.

  “Well, perhaps one day soon,” she pointed to the cane. “I do not know if I can walk quite that far, just yet and I will no doubt have to make up for the time I have missed in the bakery before I am permitted to go wandering off.” Her smile was rueful, but her eyes were filled with hope.

  “I will watch for you,” Nathaniel answered simply, hoping his words were not too forward. “Though I must return to university next week.”

  “Then I shall bid you good luck, and will be thinking of you.” Christine smiled shyly then made her way back inside, the cane tapping across the alleyway.

  Chapter Four

  By the time Nate returned from his university examinations, Christine was walking as well as she ever had. After a particularly long day in the bakery her ankle would swell a little, but she did not let it stop her from looking out for Nate down by the river every day once her work was done. She had always cherished the time they spent together by the meandering water, discussing life and sharing secrets. Dangling their feet in the water side by side on the bank was as close to Heaven as Christine could imagine she would ever come.

  He had found her there the very day he came
home. Christine had smiled at him, pleased to see he looked more relaxed and content than he had been when they parted. “How is your father?” she asked him as he flopped down beside her.

  “He is well. I cannot tell you how glad I am of it,” he said with a rueful smile.

  “You were really worried about him?”

  “I was, but I will tell you something I would never confess to anyone else. As selfish as it is, I am mostly glad for myself. I am not ready to take on the responsibilities my father bears.”

  “I know you feel trapped by your circumstances, Nate, but it is your duty,” Christine said softly. “You cannot shirk that. However, I do understand that such responsibility should be a little daunting. If it were not, it would prove you truly are the wrong man to take it on.”

  “What do you mean?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowing a little as he thought about what she had said.

  Christine realised she had not expressed herself as clearly as she mean to. “I mean that, having the kind of power that your father wields should not be in just any man’s hands. Too many men just lust for power. They abuse others to further their own ends. They do not care about the people who do the work to keep their place. That you are so worried about doing a good job, that the responsibility of all your people matters so much to you shows you are not that kind of man. And therefore, you are absolutely the right man to succeed your father.”

  “I suppose what you say makes sense,” Nate agreed. “It is just that I do feel sad not to be able to live my life the way I choose. I do not wish to be a rake or a cad, but I am not sure I want to have to enter the House of Lords, or do all my father does.”

  “Such hardship you face,” Christine replied. The look on her face made him feel oddly embarrassed by his attitude. “If you’d ever had to do a full day’s work to keep a roof over your head or food on your table, you might be a little more inclined to see that none of us is free in this life. We all have responsibilities, large and small. Mayhaps it is time you grew up and stopped taking just the benefits your birth has offered and start paying some of the costs for it.”

  Nate looked shocked at her bluntness. But to his credit, he did not try and argue with her. He realised very quickly that she was right, and that he had been more than selfish. Of course he knew he was dreading his own sacrifice that would come one day, but Christine reminded him that he was also ungrateful without realising it. “And you, Christine?” he asked her, suddenly curious. “What do you want out of this life?”

  “It is different for me, Nate,” Christine said with a heavy sigh. “I do not have your family’s status, nor the wealth your quarterly allowance offers you to be whatever you wish. I am fortunate to have a good family and the bakery brings in a fair sum for what it is. But we are working folk. I will never know another life, however much I might wish for one. Though, I do hope to one day not have to work so much and so hard.”

  “I hope that for you, as well,” he answered quietly, hoping she could not hear the depth of his feeling in his voice.

  “You will be the duke one day. Although I must confess, I hope not too soon…” She glanced up at Nathaniel, realising that he might think she was being unfeeling, given that his father had so recently been unwell. A flush crept up to her cheeks, “I do not wish your father gone or anything horrible like that, you do know that, do you not?”

  “Of course I know that,” Nathaniel said, grinning at her discomfiture. “And, it is a fact that I will be the duke when he is gone. No harm in speaking of it no matter how much I wish it were not the case.”

  “Well, I was just going to say that maybe you could change the laws of the land so I do not have to work so hard once you are in charge. What do you say?” She giggled.

  Nathaniel laughed with her and then he sobered. “You may be on to something there. You remind me of discussions I have heard at Cambridge. We have talked about how unequal society seems to be. Somehow men like me did nothing but be born into wealth. We have everything we need, whilst there are young children out in the cold, scraping a living crawling up chimneys or lighting lamps. It does not seem fair.”

  Christine lay back on the grass and looked up at the sky. She nodded lightly, but did not add her thoughts to his own. There was no point in it.

  Nate stretched out beside her. They were so close that their arms brushed against one another. Nate reached over and took her hand and he heard her suck in her breath as his fingers twined with hers. They had held hands many times, but it had never felt so intimate before.

  A little discomfited, she wriggled away from him, rolled onto her side and propped herself up on her elbow. “I will be the next to run the bakery,” she said. “Or at least it feels like that is what will happen. Who can know for sure? I suppose things could change. I am not sure if I want to be in charge, although I cannot say for sure that I do not. And, then again, I may marry and end up doing something completely unknown and unknowable until that day comes.”

  “It is confusing to think about what your life should become, is it not?” Nate said quietly. It was clear to Christine that he had much on his mind. She wondered how much of it had been prompted by what she had said to him. She had not wanted to make him feel bad about himself, or his choices, but he could be very self-centred at times. He needed to remember that other people had troubles, most of which were far harder to deal with than his perceived worries.

  She nodded. “You know there is no other person I feel comfortable sharing these thoughts with? I would never hurt my parents by sharing my doubts or displeasure. You understand what I really mean even if I do not always express myself as well as I should. And I do not mean to make you feel bad about the fact that your family is more fortunate than mine. I absolutely do not want you to feel sorry for me that I think my life is harder than yours. I suppose, what I am trying – rather inarticulately – to say is that everyone has their troubles and none of them are more or less.”

  “I feel the same way,” Nate said honestly. “My parents would balk if I told them how much the responsibility of the duchy worries me. I do realise my concerns are small. Because the truth is that even if ask to be disinherited, I will never need to worry about keeping a roof over my head as so many people do.”

  Christine was proud of him for realising that. It took courage to change your mind once it had been made up. It took courage to admit that he had concerns about his future, but it took compassion to see that others had troubles, too. It confirmed her belief that when the time came he would make an excellent duke. He was clever, and he cared for the people who were dependent upon his family for their livelihoods. People like her and her family. He would do his best to ensure everyone’s lives were better, if he could – Christine was sure of it.

  “It will turn out wonderfully, Nate. You will see,” she said, feeling truly positive. “You will make a wonderful duke,” she said earnestly, moving to place one soft, slightly trembling hand over his where it lay on the grass, before thinking better of it and clasping her hands tightly in her lap.

  “Thank you, Christine,” he answered gruffly. He blinked rapidly, as though he was holding back tears. But he was a grown man and would never let even her see such emotions. Christine was sure that her reassurance had pleased him, though. He gave her a half smile, and she beamed back at him.

  “So, when can we next meet?” he asked her, trying to keep his tone even.

  “We have your mother’s ball to prepare for, so I doubt I will have so much a moment free until after it is over. Perhaps I will see you when we deliver everything to the house?”

  Nate rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I am not sure I can wait that long,” he said, giving her an intense look that made Christine feel hot all over. There was definitely something in the air between them, something that was intensifying even though both of them were trying so hard to ignore it.

  She longed for everything to be as it always had been, yet, she also wanted to explore the way he was making her feel. It was
exciting and dangerous all at once. Though she feared that indulging her longing for him would ruin everything, Christine could not stop imagining what it might be like if she did.

  She walked home swiftly, and did her chores efficiently. As she worked, she could not stop imagining what life would be like if there were no barriers to a match between herself and Nate. She was sure that they would be happy, if only the rest of the world would not intrude upon their lives. She did not care if she was accepted into the mad whirl of Society. She was relatively sure that Nate would not really mind, either. Yet, the hurdles were not just those in the wider world as it was the perceptions and beliefs of their own families that would stand to be most difficult to break down.

  Mother had been more than a little preachy after Nate’s visit when she had been recovering from her ankle injury. Christine did not even want to think about how much worse that might get if her mother ever knew just how close her friendship was with the son of the duke.

  The Langdons were good, law-abiding folk. They knew their place in their community, and in the world – and they did not belong in the parlours of the aristocracy. Nor did the aristocracy belong in their front room. Christine doubted that there was anything she could ever say to them that would change their minds.

  Then there would be Nate’s parents. His father was directly related to the king himself, and his mother was the sister of one of the most influential men in England, Henry Addington, First Viscount Sidmouth, Prime Minister. Their bloodlines were impeccable, and Christine knew that though they would not worry much about their son having an affair with a village girl, there would be no support for her if she produced Nathaniel’s child. Marriage would never even be considered.